The decision to sell Riffs Ocean Beach, a yoga studio I purchased with high hopes in 2019, did not come easy. It was a struggle between my heart and mind, my heart pleading for simplicity and ease, my head reminding me of investments lost and opportunitiesĀ missed, of people I might disappoint or let down. The struggle lasted for months, but when the decision was made to follow my heart, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. The following post is about my relationship to change and how this huge life decision came about.
Change is inevitable. The only certainties we have in this life are that we will be born, we will die, and we will experience drastic changes throughout our lives along the way. Our bodies will change, as will our relationships, jobs, likes and desires, and hopes and dreams.Ā
Yet, we fear change. Life is hard, and when we enjoy something, we hold onto it with a tight grip, trying to control the uncontrollable. It is scary to let go of something we love because we donāt know what is coming next. Weāll stay in a misaligned job or non-serving relationship just because we arenāt sure there is something better for us out there.Ā
Itās like we are in a canoe paddling upstream, desperately wanting to be in the same place, paddling with all of our might to do so. We want to stay young, stay healthy, stay in love, stay happy. But that is not reality. Time will tick, people will come and go, and the world around us will crumble from time to time. Thatās just how it works. And the harder we paddle, the more tired we get.Ā
The sudden loss of my mother in 2014 was my confrontation with uncontrollable change. I wanted desperately to have her back, but I couldnāt. The same was true when I lost my fiancee Karina some eight years later.Ā
I can still hear Karinaās voice. In those moments when I want to go back, she says, āJust keep going forward, one breath at a time.ā Iāve had to learn to stop paddling upstream. Iāve had to learn to put down the paddle, turn downstream, and embrace whatever is to come. This process has brought massive changes in my life, some challenging and some beautiful.Ā
Since Karina passed, Iāve been on a journey of rediscovery. I needed to find myself, who I am today without her. Iāve had to question everything in my life and decide again if that is what I want, if that is who I want to be, if that is what I want to share in this world.Ā
Iāve had to grieve a lot, not just the passing of Karina but the loss of parts of myself that I identified with. Iāve had to face self-judgment and judgment from others. Iāve had to let go of certain people to make space for others. Iāve had to decide where and how I want to spend my valuable time because I donāt know how much time Iāll have in this body.Ā
Through this process, I have learned to listen to my heart, get quiet, and ask which path to take. Iāve learned to follow my feelings no matter how much my head screams to do otherwise. Karina was always so good at this. She left me, her home, her dog, her security, and her community to travel the world without knowing she would ever get those back. She just followed her heart. Her courage still inspires me today.Ā
She would be proud of me now. I am learning to do what she did. I am following my heart.Ā
And this year, my heart asked me to simplify. It asked me to cut out anything that was not exciting me, anything that was taking my time and energy away from what brought me joy. Earlier this year, I decided to officially shut down my eyewear company. And now, I have made the decision to sell my business at the Ocean Beach location.Ā
The decision did not come lightly. I invested so much in that studioātime, money, energy, and loveāover the course of five years. I always had hope that it would thrive like it did before COVID shut us down for 14 months. I always hoped that it would feel like it did before, when I had that fire and energy to be there, teach yoga there, and connect with the community there.Ā
But since Karina passed, that fire has not been present for me. My head kept saying, āJust hire people and ask them to do it.ā I did just that; they did a great job putting their heart and souls into it. But I realized, several months ago, that my heart and soul were not into it. And as the sole owner of the company, that wasnāt fair to the people there. It wasnāt fair to the staff or community that I had lost my passion.Ā
But my head kept saying, āIf we can get the studio to thrive like it was, it will provide a promising and fruitful financial future. Giving up on it is not only a loss on the investment but a loss on the potential, the possibilities of what we could create in that space if we just kept going.āĀ
So I held on for a long time. But my heart kept getting louder.Ā
One day, several months ago, I decided it was time to simplify again, to let go of the studio. Immediately, a weight lifted from my shoulders. I felt lighter. My health improved. My stress lessened. I realized I was no longer the best person to lead that studio. The community deserved someone who could give more to it than I could.
I made one phone call to the people I felt would be the best caretakers of the community we built over the years. I called Nikki from reUnify Yoga, our neighbor down the street, and offered her the opportunity to buy the studio and bring our communities together under one roof.
I met with her, her husband, their cute little son, and it felt like it was meant to be. My head told me to shop around for offers, so I did a little, but I already knew they were the ones. The deal came together harmoniously, and just like that, the decision was made.Ā
It was a bittersweet feeling. I felt the full contrast of letting go of something I put so much into, the disappointment of those staff and students who would experience change outside of their control, and the excitement of releasing and refocusing my energy on the place that carried my love: our Bird Rock studio, the place I moved to California to start twelve and a half years ago.
Synschronistically, through this process came the unfolding of something new at Riffs in Bird Rock. Much of my healing journey from the loss of Karina took place in a sauna and cold plunge. I would sit and sweat out my emotions while listening to podcasts that transformed my view on life, death, grief, relationships, and Love. In the heat, I melted away many fears I was holding onto. I would plunge into icy waters and breathe to calm my nervous system, training myself to be resilient in intense discomfort. Iād walk away feeling alive and excited to be in my body, a hard feeling to experience after such a traumatic loss.
So, I found a way to offer that to others. As I close the door on Riffs Ocean Beach, I am opening the door to wellness offerings that I am so excited to share. A large sauna, cold plunges, a red light therapy room, a massage program, and energy healing are all new services to complement our yoga offerings. These are part of my continued mission to enhance health and happiness in my community so it can trickle out into the world.Ā
The journey has not been easy, and it has come with waves of anxiety, busy times like I havenāt experienced in years, and a break from my passion for writing. But it is where my heart led me to go, so I had to follow. I had to trust.Ā
To those who have found a home in our Ocean Beach studio over the years, I thank you for embracing us. To those who gave their time and energy to the studio, I thank you for your love. I hope you all will embrace the new owners and become a part of something great in that space. I will surely be there for an occasional visit and wish Nikki, her family, and her business nothing but success as they embark on this new journey. As always, Onwards and Upwards we go.
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